Updated September 14, 2026 · Educational examples
If a person is missing, in immediate danger, or experiencing an emergency, use Need Help Now. A conversation guide must not delay urgent care.
They repeat the same question
They may not remember asking, or may be looking for reassurance about what happens next.
Words you could try
- “The appointment is after lunch. I’ll come with you.”
- Answers the question and addresses who will help.
- “Would it help if we wrote the plan here?”
- Offers a reminder if written information remains useful.
- “Is there something about the appointment that worries you?”
- Makes room for the concern behind the question.
Keep in mind: Avoid “I already told you.” If a reminder becomes frustrating, put it aside.
Learn more: Alzheimer’s Association: Repetition ↗
Choose another situation ↑They ask to go home
“Home” may mean a familiar place, person, or feeling of safety. First check whether there is a real need or unsafe situation.
Words you could try
- “What do you miss about home?”
- Invites the person to describe what feels important.
- “Would you like to sit with me somewhere quieter?”
- Offers a concrete change without debating the address.
- “Let’s look at what would help you feel comfortable here.”
- Turns attention toward a need you can respond to.
Keep in mind: Do not argue that they are already home or promise a trip you will not make. Follow the safety plan if they may leave unsafely.
Learn more: Alzheimer’s Association: Memory loss and confusion ↗
Choose another situation ↑They ask for someone who has died
Choose a response based on what the person understands and how they react. The goal is to respond with care, not to test memory.
Words you could try
- “You’re thinking about your sister. Would you like to tell me about her?”
- Welcomes the relationship and the feeling.
- “I can see how much you miss him. I can sit with you.”
- Acknowledges grief without inventing a story.
- “I’m sorry. She died. Would you like to talk about her?”
- A gentle factual answer may fit when the person wants and can use that information.
Keep in mind: If repeated explanations of the death cause fresh distress, do not insist on correcting each time. Ask a knowledgeable care professional for an approach suited to the person.
Learn more: Alzheimer’s Association: Memory loss and confusion ↗
Choose another situation ↑They refuse a shower
Consider privacy, temperature, pain, fear, and who is helping. A refusal is communication, not an invitation to force care.
Words you could try
- “Would you prefer to wash up now or after breakfast?”
- Offers a choice when the timing can be flexible.
- “Would you like to hold the washcloth and start yourself?”
- Keeps participation and control with the person.
- “We can pause. What would make this more comfortable?”
- Reduces pressure and makes room for the reason.
Keep in mind: Do not shame, rush, or physically force a shower. Ask the care team about persistent difficulties, pain, or safe alternatives.
Learn more: Alzheimer’s Association: Bathing ↗
Choose another situation ↑They refuse medication
Listen for a concern about taste, swallowing, effects, or what the medicine is for. Follow current professional instructions.
Words you could try
- “What feels difficult about taking this?”
- Invites an explanation instead of assuming defiance.
- “Would you like us to ask the pharmacist about it?”
- Offers a qualified person to answer the concern.
- “Let’s check the instructions together before we decide what to do.”
- Keeps the next step grounded in the prescribed plan.
Keep in mind: Do not force, hide, crush, double, or change medicine without appropriate professional guidance. Ask the pharmacist or prescriber what to do about a refused or missed dose; do not assume delaying is safe.
Learn more: Alzheimer’s Association: Medication safety ↗
Choose another situation ↑They accuse someone of stealing
Take the concern seriously and check what happened. Dementia does not mean theft or exploitation cannot occur.
Words you could try
- “Your purse matters to you. I’ll help you look.”
- Responds to the loss without assigning blame.
- “Where would you feel comfortable keeping it?”
- Invites a practical, reassuring plan.
- “Let’s check what is missing, one thing at a time.”
- Focuses on observable facts instead of an argument.
Keep in mind: Do not dismiss a possible crime or agree to an accusation without evidence. Seek help for suspected abuse or severe distress.
Learn more: Alzheimer’s Association: Suspicions and delusions ↗
Choose another situation ↑They do not recognize someone
An introduction can be more useful than asking the person to identify you.
Words you could try
- “Hello, I’m Sam, your neighbor. I came to bring the mail.”
- Gives a name, connection, and reason for being there.
- “It’s okay if I seem unfamiliar. We can take our time.”
- Removes pressure to remember.
- “Would you be more comfortable if I sat over here?”
- Offers space and control over the interaction.
Keep in mind: Avoid “You know who I am!” Do not insist on touch or closeness. Sudden new confusion needs prompt medical attention.
Learn more: Alzheimer’s Association: Memory loss and confusion ↗
Choose another situation ↑They become frightened
Check for an actual source of danger, discomfort, or confusion before choosing reassurance.
Words you could try
- “Something feels frightening. Can you show me?”
- Invites words or gestures about the concern.
- “Would you like more space or for me to sit nearby?”
- Lets the person guide your presence.
- “We can move away from that noise together.”
- Offers a specific change if noise is the concern.
Keep in mind: Do not insist there is nothing to fear. Use reassurance that is true and seek help for sudden or severe symptoms.
Learn more: Alzheimer’s Association: Anxiety and agitation ↗
Choose another situation ↑They believe they need to go to work
Work may represent duty, identity, or a familiar routine. Listen for what the person feels responsible for.
Words you could try
- “What needs doing at work today?”
- Helps you understand the responsibility on their mind.
- “You’ve always taken your responsibilities seriously.”
- Recognizes an important part of their identity.
- “Would you help me sort these papers while we talk?”
- Offers meaningful participation if the activity interests them.
Keep in mind: Avoid mocking the belief or inventing a call from an employer. Use the wandering plan if they may leave unsafely.
Learn more: Alzheimer’s Association: Wandering ↗
Choose another situation ↑They want to leave
Ask about the destination and look for a need such as movement, the bathroom, company, or a quieter place.
Words you could try
- “Where would you like to go?”
- Starts by listening rather than blocking the conversation.
- “Would you like company for a walk?”
- Offers accompaniment when a walk is safe and feasible.
- “Let’s find a quieter spot together.”
- May help when the current environment feels overwhelming.
Keep in mind: Do not lock a person in alone or improvise restraints. If the person is missing or in danger, use emergency help immediately.
Learn more: Alzheimer’s Association: Wandering ↗
Choose another situation ↑They become angry
Give physical space and stop a nonessential task. Your safety matters too.
Words you could try
- “I’m going to step back and give us some room.”
- States a calm, concrete action.
- “I can see this is upsetting. We do not have to finish right now.”
- Lowers pressure when the task can safely wait.
- “Would you like a different person to help?”
- Offers another option if your presence is adding stress.
Keep in mind: Avoid matching the volume or demanding an apology in the moment. Leave and call emergency services if anyone is in immediate danger.
Learn more: Alzheimer’s Association: Aggression and anger ↗
Choose another situation ↑They remember an event differently
Not every difference needs to become a correction. Safety, consent, and financial or medical decisions still require accurate information.
Words you could try
- “That is how you remember it. Tell me what mattered most.”
- Allows connection without agreeing that every detail is factual.
- “We remember it differently, and we can leave it there for now.”
- Offers a respectful way out of a nonessential dispute.
- “This decision matters. Let’s check the written information together.”
- Moves a consequential question toward reliable facts.
Keep in mind: Do not use dementia as a reason to dismiss the person or override their wishes. Seek professional support for decisions involving capacity or legal authority.
Learn more: Alzheimer’s Association: Communication ↗
Choose another situation ↑They repeatedly ask the date or time
A clock or calendar may help if it is understandable and reassuring to the person.
Words you could try
- “It’s Monday morning. Breakfast is next.”
- Pairs the answer with the next familiar event.
- “Would you like the calendar where you can see it?”
- Offers a cue without testing recall.
- “Are you waiting for something today?”
- Explores a concern that a date alone may not answer.
Keep in mind: Do not quiz or scold. Keep the cue simple and remove it if it increases confusion.
Learn more: Alzheimer’s Association: Repetition ↗
Choose another situation ↑